How are U Nanna

Bujjinanna,
Hope you are doing fine....blissfully unaware of the tragedy that has befallen on us. I constantly think of not thinking of you but there lies the irony. You are in all my prayers, I pray for your happiness, your proper growth and i'll be happy when turn out to be a able young man one day- Honest, Genuine, successful, balanced, good at heart and loves everyone around devoid of any hatred or ill will. I pray for that.

its has been 3 days you were gone

It has been 3 days since you were gone. Trying to be a man - not to cry and show my emotions- and come to terms with it, but its been difficult. I lost my new iPhone  which has all the pictures and videos i have taken of you during last two months that you are with me ...that is more depressing than anything else. May be it has to go too - so that all memories of you have to be erased- in order for me to live. Otherwise it would be difficult to live, a constant question keeps ringing in my head, what did i achieve in life??? nothing ..absolutely nothing. And no interest to do anything just mechanically living....cause i cant die as there my parents who as it is so depressed with all these police/court cases and lost respect in society and they wont be able to bear it if  they lose me.  I don't have a meaning to my life after you are gone. I guess  everyone has to go one day, i too would, sooner or later. what is the point in developing these attachments and everyday crying and dying slowly. My parents and sister endured all the pain and suffering because of me and no fault of theirs, still stand  by me. they made me what i'm today. I think at least need to give them some comfort in their last phase of their life. May be i wont find happiness with all this but at least i'll try to find peace, as long as i live.
Good luck to you Aryan, and you always have my blessings.

Finally you are gone

I surrendered you to your mother today.The primary reason i have given up is two fold: (i) I dont want this court cases to go on and with no end and drag my mom, sister and uncle on whom your mother has filed false charges; (ii) Secondly, however despicable person she is, she is carrying and its last 3 months of her pregnency and i dont want to drag her through this and let this affect the unborn innocent child. This is weighing on me for a while. And that is the reason I gave you up with out even proper mutual agreement in place, as i wanted to give up ASAP before my travel.

But given the cunning and scheming female she is, its was not without last minute drama ( Its her nature and she is not going to change). She didn't want any written MOU, she just said what she wanted stating that she is withdrawing because she got her son back and telling judge that please see that i wont take you ever from her, failing to realize its she who was taking you away from me all along and I got into this as she with in a span of 4 days wanted to take go back to Mumbai with you. Just politely told her that without 'trust' there can be no relation.  Anyways no point in taking about a female who is mentally twisted, and has no emotions/no feelings, no empathy, no regret and no remorse. Person of this nature will never change. She has left no chance for compromise.My parents are in the last phase of their life and at least i'll serve them to the best i can .

I'm sitting at home in solitude trying to come to terms with the void that has replaced your presence in my life. and i need to get used to it. I guess we are not meant to be father and son. And probably i wont even be able to see the brother/sister who is yet to be born.  I'll try to forget you. I guess this is the end.

March 10 th -two days before you leave

As usual took you to meet your mother in KBR park.we both amicably agreed on the following: she will voluntarily withdraw the 498a and 363 criminal cases she filed against me and my family. And I will voluntarily return you to her. Finally an to end this saga.

I only wished she realizes and feels sorry for what she has done- given what she is she will never have a slightest feeling of regret nor remorse, she never had any to begin with.I guess it's too late for me to even think of all this.

Its just two more days to go, once the case is closed on 12th you will go to your mommy forever--these are precious two days for me. Don't know if i'll get to see you again. Funny thing is you sitting next to me watching what I'm typing and having ice cream. Blissfully oblivious of what is going on.

Your mom keeps saying she will be in Hyderabad but knowing her she will leave to Mumbai the very next day with you. I have no hopes to the contrary.I don't know if this is the right thing I'm doing by giving you up but i felt that is the right thing to do.

You will always be in my mind and hopefully when you grow up you will probably come to see me. 

March 7

Lot of things happened last one month. It has dawned upon me that there won't be any amicable settlement. Anyways not a happy state to be in.

Im sitting in KBR park writing this blog waiting for your mother to tell me when i can pickup you up. Today I took you to meet her at 4.30 pm. Got 1/2 hour late  due to traffic. I was  not feeling comfortable   sitting opposite to her and wanted to get away from there . You are happy to see her. I was feeling like a stranger, the thought of inevitablilty that you would go one day to her is discomforting.  I wish this case ends soon so that I can return you to her and move on. Hopefully she will get along with her life and  you kids and wont harass me for something or other. Given what she is that's what she will do, even if I want peace  she won't let me live in peace. 

Hopefully Monday judge quashes this case.

One thing that keeps coming back to mind again and again is how comfortable people are telling blatant lies with no sense of guilt and defending/justifying those lies to the hilt. I guess that shows who they are and their upbringing. Hopefully I will the light at end of the tunnel sooner than later.