Dear Aryan happy to see you back where you belong

Nanna,
Good to see you back with me. I was waIting for this day when your mom told me you would be visiting me for jan 1st. And also I was happy to spend time with you in Mumbai for 8 days prior to this. Thanks to your maternal grand parents, they were nice and cordial to me. 

I don't know how long you will be here, I guess still next episode, where your mom finds reasons to become voilent. I realized you can't do much to make a inherently unhappy, unloving  and voilent person happy. In anycase I'll do my best and remain calm throught  but can't surrender to unjust tantrums &demands.
Anyways I don't want to clog my mind with apprehensions and enjoy the present moment with you.
I'm sitting inthe hospital with your grand father, came here to get him operated for cataract. Hopfully it goes smooth and wiil have a better vision to see you.

Just thinking about medical profession, compared to engineers a doctor has better social standing. I love  to see you as a finest doctor, Hopefully you will persue this  feild. Above all I like to see you as finest human being.

Lovingly your Papa 

another day

Nanna,
Going through mental turmoil, what should i be doing? what's right? whats wrong? whats good for you and whats not. With this alienation  between us what kind of bonding we will have? slowly and steadily you will be emotionally distanced away from me. Your moms parents are selfish and have stolen you from me, they are part of this crime too with their vested interest in having you with them.

Should i give up hope on you??? Should i let you go? You are the only child i have and I have built all my hopes and aspirations around you. I don't know if you would ever feel pain and longing that your father feels for you.

The more i long for you the more this female will exploit me. Everytime i cant hold back from meeting you i have to walk into a devil's den ( or in her own words a Dracula's den)

I have married a most disgusting female that i have come across in  my life, a person who has no values, no morality, no character, tells lies at the drop of hat, filled with hatred & jealousy, and demands luxuries at others cost, no gratitude, no sense of respect nor dignity. says others don't love her but doesn't question herself what she has done to other so that they love her. Love does not flow out of vacume.People fear her violent and disgusting character. Even to take you to meet you paternal grandparent at most once in 2 weeks its is a uphill battle, and turmoil. If my folks talk in Telugu it's an issue and says we are dividing and ruling. Hello!! you married a Telugu guy? you didn't have issue then? She  lived life like miserable, violent, abusive, female who can dive any one crazy. I was such a fool marry her out of sympathy and thinking so called art of living follower and spiritual person. I was just conned in to marriage thinking she is peaceful, pious and happy girl. Little did i know what i was walking into hardly know her for 6 weeks before marriage. When i look back I'm actually surprised how i lived  with her enduring so many episodes where i had to go out of the house and stay in guest house or my parents place.

Does this kid of female would give you better life? better future? I don't think so.You will have no proper environment, no proper education and no proper career. Your life will be ruined!! 

almost been a week since i last saw you

Aryan Nanna/Bujjinana,
Its been a week since i last saw you. I keep wondering what you are doing..... playing with grand parents and your mother, who have taken you away from your papa.I'm physically here but you are always in my mind. I feel helpless, don't know what is the right thing to do. I don't know how you would grow up, none of your grand fathers kids turned up good any anything. I fear about your future, what you would become. I dont know if god exists but i fhe does why did he put me in this mess? what did i do wrong?

Nanna, papa was never in love other than you. You are my 1st true love. I miss your kisses and hugs.

your papa!!
Krishna

so happy to spend time with you

Nanna, Happy to see you and spend time with you. I was worried that you might not be able to recognize me. But its so heartening to see you run towards me hug me and glued to me all the three days i was with you.  When your Nani asked where is your papa you pointed towards me!! Its so fulfilling to hear you constantly say papa! papa! and papa! On one hand i'm immensely happy to see you and see how playful you are, while on other there is sense of immense loss, don't know what the future hold for you, and me, and how long this bond would continue. At best i'm a visiting farther visiting once a month for few days, with limited influence on you. the dreams i had about you and how i wanted to grow old  and see you grew up in to a able young man have slowly but steadily fading away. There is sense of  deep loss. However much i try to keep myself detached it is seems impossible to do that. I have little control on how fate unfolds. Just pray for well being and happiness.

your loving father
Krishna

Good to see you Aryan Atlast

Nanna Arayn

I have completed the 2 day workshop in Guangzhou, but all along you are at the back of my mind. Wondering what you are doing. May be sleeping by now. How could anyone take the infant son from his father, what kid of cruel, vicious, sadistic person can do that.  I'm unable to reconcile to this fact that i cant see you nanna!!

I just cant believe its this same person who was telling before marriage that i'm her god sent gift. what is use of attending AOL classes? Can it change a devil filled with poison & hatred into to Angel? What if did the same thing? Then would they realize pain and suffering i'm going through?? No they wont..I only hope these people burn in hell. I have put up so far with her just because of you nanna, otherwise its would be difficult to stand her... completely messed up in the head, I haven't met such a evil, cunning and disgusting  person in my life ever. 

Dear Aryan, Writing from china

Dear Arayn Nanna,
I came here yesterday. These days i cant sleep or do anything...you are always in my mind. I break down in tears thinking about you. I love you Nanna. I miss you. I miss you so much that i don't know what to do with myself. I wonder what i should be living for?? Fate, in the form of a devil has taken you away from me.

Nanna, when you used to call me "papa" or come and hug me, I was so proud of you Nanna. I miss all that i miss you. I used to miss you in just few hours when i used to go to office, and i prompltly used to retun home in the afternoon to be with you.  Now i have to live without  you Nanna, cant see you ,cant hear you. the feel ing that you wont see me, know who i'm will slowly but surely kill me. Why did god play with my life like this, he  took away my infant son from me!!! That too with a evil devil i sympathized and got married to.

Nanna, your papa loves you....when you grow up and get a chance to read these letter, hopefully you will realize how much your father misses you.   I wonder what you would be doing now...may be playing or may be sleeping.

I love you Nanna, i miss you. Nothing interests me these days. i think of you and i breakdown. dont feel like doing anything. At times i get so depressed dont know why i should be living and for whom??

You are lose to 18 months, and you  are almost 1 month away from me. ...i only hope you don't forget me...i know you are too little to remember me.

Dear Aryan: Nov 26th 2011

This is your father, who happened to lose you when you are 16 months. A loss nothing else can fill. I'm writing this to connect with you hoping one day when you read you realize how much your father loves you. You are my everything Aryan, you are all I have, you are all my world. I had so many dreams about growing up with you, playing with you, being with you, being your friend, a father and caring for you. But i lost you to a cruel and violent  person filled with unjust hatred, and debase and bankrupt values,with whom I couldn't reason however much i tried, nor can i could keep her happy whatever i do. She has taken you away from me finally.All my tears and pleading to share you  for one week in a month and  fell on deaf ears. A bond between a father and son has been mercilessly broken by a cruel heart,a evil demon in a human form. For every difference opinion she uses you as a ransom against me, there is nothing i could do.

I have not seen god anywhere but in you, in your smile, in your hug, in every word you said and in everything you did...i don't know how lord Krishna is but i can tell you my son means more than lord krishna to me.

 Today is Nov 26th 2011. I love you and i miss you. I pray god protect you and take care of you  wherever you are.

your loving father
RVM Krishna