bail hearing

Dear Aryan,
You are fast asleep and i have some time to put my thoughts together.I feel your mommy is your mommy after, I think however much i love you and how much i long for you, i feel you need mommy too and eventually i would have to return you to her. Not because i fear legal consequences ( i'm  illegal anyway now with all the arrest warrant against me and the court cases), but my conscience is not comfortable. I would rather lose you to her than take you away from her. May be these are your last days with me....i dont know if i would ever see you.

I don't know if she ever see reason, if she does we wouldn't have been in this situation. Anyways, separation however painful is only choice. Hopefully i will get a bail tomorrow and may be shalini comes for a compromise. 

roller coaster ride

Nanna,
it has been a while i wrote ...a hell a lot things happened from Jan 3rd to now. Our whole world has changed upside down. Your mom wanted to take you and go back to Mumbai on 4th jan. She has hardly been back here  less than a week. I told her if you want to leave you can but Aryan is not going anywhere (I don't think she came back at her own will but i guess at her parents push. Though she was physically here i felt she just wanted to go back. Back in mumbai she has no responsibilities to take care of...her mommy does everything). She threatened that she will put me and my parents me behind bars,  i said try that.  And at her provocation,  i took you from her hands,  and she started screaming at top her voice that i'm taking you away (I wasn't at that moment, nor did have any plan to that effect. i just came back after taking you out for play and waiting to have dinner, and i'm on slippers with gym clothes. Moreover i need to take your grandfather to hospital the very next day). And your grandpa who was taking a stroll in the hall was perplexed about it all, and asked her why is she shouting? She shouted at him to "Shut up" and promptly started calling police. I grabbbed her phone and threw it down to prevent her calling police. She went and broke landline phone and was looking for break my laptop.to avoid any further trouble I went down with you and laptop back. I have watchman bending his head in shame. I didnt feel like staying there so i took you out in the car for drive within the apt complex.
No sooner, i m getting calls from police, and as she threatened before, i felt she is filing 498a case( which i came to know she did later) with no option left i left to airport to avoid any arrest.  The biggest regret i had was leaving my father like that.  He needed me. i feel sorry that i left him like that.

After that my whole life was downhill...we went to US, you are glued to me every single minute and i couldnt even go to toilet alone. There is guilt , frustration, anger, helplessness all combined together. One lady who is reposnsible for these state of affairs is your mother. A crroked lady, with twisted perception of reality, always angry or upset at something or other, and with undue and unjustified expecations, filed with anger and rage and exposively voilent behaviour, and her mother supporting her to the hilt and annoyingly  stupid whom you can never have a logical conversation. Your mom has all the energy to go and convince everyone in the world  how bad i'm but has no interest to make this marriage work nor develop love or affection. She despised everything around me and everything about me.

I jumped the cliff with you, dont know the the the consequences are but the events are no more in my conrol